Aaron: It was my birthday yesterday. It’s 1am, Thursday July 15, and I am 19 years old.
On an occasion like this, I’d usually say I don’t feel any different. But I do. I ‘feel’ 19. I feel like I’ve lived another year, and it’s been celebrated with another mediocre day in a whole year of mediocre days. Why we, as a society, choose to make such a big deal out of such banality makes no sense. In practice, it should be a day filled with joy and celebration of another year of living, however many years ago your mother brought you into the world. But really, it never is.
Why? Is it because we make such a big deal out of something arbitrary that nothing good is able to come out of it? In my mind, I call this The New Year Void, as calling it Birthday Syndrome sounds like some wierd medical condition which happens to be contracted and deadly at the end of a 365 day period. The New Year Void occurs when many people choose to make a huge deal out of a day that doesn’t mean anything, and hence the day’s meaninglessness makes the event implode, becomes a massive waste of time and effort and a huge emotional strain on everyone involved.
Today, my birthday was marred by fighting between the people I spend the majority of my time with. Events planned for my birthday became revealed as nothing more than events planned with an ulterior motive. Certain people took offence, certain people didn’t, certain people took offence at others taking offence. I can’t really do anything about that, and I’m not complaining. I just want to point out that’s exactly what happened 7 months ago on New Year’s Eve/Day.
The New Year Void in my chest grows every year around July 14. I realise I’m growing away from my family more and more each year, each day. The Birthday only increases my knowledge of this and makes me sad for close relationships that I just can’t seem to maintain any more. I receive cards from relatives I love, but never speak to any more. It makes me sad that my ‘busy’ schedule can’t fit in any time to talk to them, and I don’t know why. I receive less presents, but that’s because I don’t ask for any, because I don’t know what I want. That makes me sad, because I still feel that the people I choose to call my friends should know what to buy me regardless. Other people’s problems expand around emotionally high points within the year, and the actual cause of the emotionally high points gets swept aside in the problems.
As each year passes, I become sad around July 14. I reflect. I realise I don’t know much. I realise I know myself more, but also less and less each year.
Tom
Aaron
I sent you a text saying happy birthday! I hope you got it. Probably not haha…
I’m surprised that you’re so sentimental. I guess I feel a little sad that I don’t see relatives as often as I’d like but it’s really only my two grandmas, so it’s not like I have hordes of people sending me cards to feel guilty about. I’m sorry that you feel so sad about your birthday, because I often feel how you do – not enough time in the world to do everything, and what are we missing out on? I think it’s best to just have fun and try to see friends more in the next year.
Ha, I’m a tad sentimental sometimes, and melancholy to boot!
Yeah, the general sadness of not being able to do everything I’d like and the general lameness of the actual day just makes the birthday lame. Ah well, always the next year to make up for it
[...] night, but the facts are that everybody made a whole heap of bad decisions while dealing with the New Year Void, and it all just turned out like a wierd television soap where a huge amount of ridiculous drama [...]